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Anthrax, Shotguns & other things I wanna tell my daughters future boyfriend.

Dear Bebe’s future boyfriend,

Don’t be afraid. This letter is not laced with anthrax and it will not self destruct in 2 minutes which would not be a far-fetched thought after our first meeting.

I know we might not have gotten off on the right foot with the whole me polishing my gun thing... but in all sincerity, even though the gun was ‘kind of’ loaded, I promise I mean you no harm...

For now.

If it makes you feel any better, I’m a terrible shot so if you ran zig-zag around the living room, the chances of me missing with my shotgun were pretty high.

On a serious note though, if you EVER wear that Ohio State jersey in my house again, I will break your legs with a pencil sharpener.

I kid. I’m a pastor. I wouldn’t break your legs with a pencil sharpener.

I’d do it with a music stand.

Ok, now that I’ve broken the ice and you smiled or peed your pants a little from fear, there are a few things about dating my daughter that I wanna share with you in a seriousness.

1. Keep your sleeves rolled up.

In other words, you’re gonna have to continually ‘up yourself’ in pursuing her. Movie and dinner will not suffice to capture her heart. You’re gonna have to roll up your sleeves and constantly pursue her furiously.

You’re gonna have to sweat, bleed and get off the couch to impress her. I hope to pursue her mom in a way that’ll make her see ‘furious pursuit’ as the norm. You’re gonna have to cash that check.

2. Keep your hands off her.

Seriously DUDE. She’s not your wife yet. She’s my daughter. She’s also Gods daughter, so keep your hands off her. Do you hear me? Keep your hands off her.

I don’t care how much you love each other or even if she says yes. BE a man and keep your hands off her. If it works out, I will gladly place her hands in yours on your wedding day. I will give her to you.

By the way, I will constantly ask her if you have touched her and If there’s even a hint something has happened, you and I will need to have a serious conversation.

And just so you know, there’s no acceptable explanation you’ll ever give me for putting your hands on my little girl [on Gods daughter]. Keep your hands off her cause she’s my daughter first until God says she’s your wife.

3. Keep your eyes on God.

Love my girl but love God more. Please. Its the only shot you have. Its the only hope I have. Your love for God is the only security or assurance you can give me. I’m not asking you to commit to going to church or be religious. I’m asking if you love Jesus more than anything in the world... including my daughter.

Thanks
-Bebe Daddy

Which stood out to you in my letter and why?
What would you want to say to your kids future boyfriend or girlfriend? [You don’t have to be a parent to answer this]

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