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Bikinis, Soft Porn, Masturbation & Face-book.

[Note: I admit that my tone is a bit harsh. If I had to redo this, I’d be more graceful. I hope my tone doesn’t distract from my main point. I’d also like to note that I’m not challenging culture as a whole with modesty but rather our Christian family though I’m sure EVERY woman desires to be treasured.  Also to everyone saying we need to love, I completely agree. Love is the only effective response but please remember that love sometimes is very stern. See Jesus in the gospels. Also please read part 2 (rebuttal) of this post for a balanced perspective. All in all, thanks for a great dialogue]

Hey there ________ [Fill name in blank if you've ever uploaded bikini or half naked pictures of yourself on Face-Book],

I know we're not like BFF's or anything but can I just be honest with you for 5 minutes?

Can I ask you a huge favor?

Please. Please. Please. Stop posting half naked pictures of yourself on face-book. Please.

I'm not sure what the reasoning is...

Maybe you're innocently just trying to share your vacation with us.
Maybe you've lost 40pounds and you're trying to inspire others by showing off your new fit body.
Or maybe it just didn't cross your mind.

Either way, I'm betting you have no idea how much damage that picture could cause.  No idea.

Let me enlighten you for a second.

I've been sharing life with a guy who is trying to beat his porn addiction. Two weeks ago, we set a goal to go 2 weeks with no porn [with fasting and lots of prayer]. Win a small battle. 14 days.

He made it 1 week and 6 days.

He fell 1 day away. ONE FREAKING DAY!

You know why?

Cause you posted a stupid immodest picture of yourself on face-book.

Hope you're happy. Hope you're so pumped that guys are masturbating over your pictures on face-book. I'm sure it makes you feel extremely valuable that your pic was practically soft porn for a guy.

Don't get me wrong.

I'm not ultimately blaming you for his fall. I'm not saying its your fault that men lust. Its not.

I'm just mad. I'm mad that you gave the enemy a loophole into his heart.

Yes he could have chosen not to look. He should have. He should have clicked off your page, de-friended you or thrown his laptop out the window before giving in.

It was HIS responsibility that he fell.

But for crying out loud, do you really NEED to post that on face-book?
For real.
Do you really NEED to wear that publicly?

Seriously.

And don't give me that 'well won't men lust anyways even if I'm wearing a full body gown'.

Yes. Probably.

Just like a struggling alcoholic will probably drink and relapse even if I put a deadbolt on my fridge. But does that mean I should fill our communal fridge with boxes of Vodka because he's probably gonna do it anyways?

I know I'm sounding a bit harsh. Its because I'm frustrated.

Not a 'this is your fault' frustration but rather a 'can't you see we desperately need your help?' frustration.

Can't you see how the enemy is using you to ensnare us? Can't you hear our cry for help?

We need your help. Please.
Think of others ahead of yourself. Consider others as more important than you.

Dress modesty. Don't let your boobs hang out. Don't post half naked pictures of yourself on face-book.

And just so you know, when you do things that makes a guy look at you or a picture of you on the internet, he's not looking at you. He's not attracted to your personality, value, character or heart.

In fact he could care less in that moment what your name or story is. For all he cares there could be another head on that body.

So if your goal is to get him to notice YOU, you already failed cause in that moment, you're not anymore valuable in his eyes than a piece of meat. Thats it.

That should disgust you regardless of whether you love Jesus or not.

I've never met a woman who does not desire to be valued and treasured.
I've also never met a man who truly values and treasures a woman [long term] because she looks hot.

As a leader, I will continue to kick us men in the pants in the area of purity. But it sure will be nice to get some help from the ladies because...

We're on the same team.

If you don't know how then please ask. As crazy as it sounds, I'm convinced it is possible to look really cute, fashionable and elegant without letting all your stuff hang out.

I know this because my wife does it everyday. Its not easy. She might have to spend an extra hour at Rue 21 but she makes it happen. And when she's not sure, she'll ask me. 5 years I've known her and I've never been ashamed to be with her publicly because of what she wears.

In case you somehow missed it, the moral of the story is, you can be attractive without being seductive.

Thanks for reading.

-Sammy

P:S Also remember, what is on the internet stays on the internet forever. Forever. So before you post it, ask yourself, in 20 years when I'm applying for that dream job or talking to my kids boyfriends, would I want to be seen in this light?

P:S:S: For more dialogue, check out 6 part blog series I did on sex.[ Part 1: Boobs... Part 2: Pre-rapture sex... Part 3: Luke the sexpert... Part 4: 30 year old Virgin... Part 5; Hardest post i ever wrote... Part 6: Porn is like white castle]

[If you think this is a valid issue or know any teenage girls who could use some perspective, then please share this post on face-book. Lets spread the word.]

[Also if you are encouraged by my blog, please take 2 secs and connect with me on my face-book page]

I'd love to hear your thoughts on my rant. I just opened a can of worms. Feel free to dive in and dialogue anywhere.

MEN, I'd love to hear from you. Be honest, is this [half naked pics on FB] something thats ever been an obstacle for you? [You can leave comments as anonymous. Just say something please. I need the ladies to know this is Valid]

WOMEN, what were you honestly feeling as you read this? Anger? Frustration? Joy? Wanna punch me cause you don't see why you can't post THAT pic? Think men are pigs? I don't care if you disagree as long as we have honest dialogue cause this is a serious issue. Please lets talk about it.